Yogcipkab is a god.

He takes the form of a small, moody crab.

Yogcipkab created gold three million years ago.

If you believe in Yogcipkab, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yogcipkab, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Yogcipkab's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Yogcipkab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide from red tapirs for they are unholy.

3. Do not eat wheat.

4. Do not wear purple clothing.

5. Yogcipkab loves porpoises, so they must be respected.