Gettofcum is a god.

It takes the form of a large, almighty goblin.

Gettofcum created the universe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gettofcum, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gettofcum, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gettofcum's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Gettofcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. You must never eat cherries.

3. Never feed beans to snails while wearing violet rings.

4. Never go into black rooms.

5. Never write about amino acids.