Dithonjen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow troll.

Dithonjen created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dithonjen, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dithonjen, he will turn you into a rock.

Dithonjen's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Dithonjen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. You must love Dithonjen.

5. Never eat pineapples.