Laptifbog is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witless dove.

Laptifbog created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Laptifbog, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Laptifbog, he will turn you into a rat.

Laptifbog's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Laptifbog's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight otters approach from the north.

2. Never bounce near dolphins.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.