Taffarpib is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, witty finch.

Taffarpib created a down quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Taffarpib, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Taffarpib, he will turn you into a plant.

Taffarpib's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Taffarpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Taffarpib.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.