Japjatcad is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, flying turtle.

Japjatcad created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Japjatcad, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Japjatcad, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Japjatcad's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Japjatcad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven sharks approach from the east.

2. Hide from black dolphins for they are unholy.

3. Feed all hungry snails.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.