Yarlsityam is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, humorless cow.

Yarlsityam created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlsityam, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yarlsityam, he will be very sad.

Yarlsityam's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Yarlsityam's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Yarlsityam loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.