Fumwaprulyar is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, vain cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Fumwaprulyar created the Whirlpool Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumwaprulyar, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fumwaprulyar, she will send minions to preach to you.

Fumwaprulyar's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Fumwaprulyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Put Fumwaprulyar first in all things.