Jabbopquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, merciless crow.

Jabbopquaf created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabbopquaf, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jabbopquaf, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jabbopquaf's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Jabbopquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Jabbopquaf loves mice, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Always help grasshopers in need.