Butflowyar is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, humorless wombat.

Butflowyar created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Butflowyar, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Butflowyar, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Butflowyar's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Butflowyar's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

2. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Great tits are not to be trusted.

5. Always take life seriously.