Gadzimstan Yatdonpak Linvolhen is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, ruthless mole.

Gadzimstan Yatdonpak Linvolhen created life four million years ago.

If you believe in Gadzimstan Yatdonpak Linvolhen, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gadzimstan Yatdonpak Linvolhen, he will refuse to believe in you.

Gadzimstan Yatdonpak Linvolhen's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Gadzimstan Yatdonpak Linvolhen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never jump in the presence of seals.

4. Gadzimstan Yatdonpak Linvolhen loves ducks, so they must be respected.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.