Litomtvog is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, passionate lion.

Litomtvog created time and space two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Litomtvog, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Litomtvog, it will jump up and down on your head.

Litomtvog's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Litomtvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near bats.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Litomtvog.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always pray immersed in water.