Hamzoghig is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, tiresome octopus.

Hamzoghig created bats seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamzoghig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hamzoghig, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hamzoghig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Hamzoghig's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hamzoghig.

5. Never paint your neck orange.