Dutparkbem is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, kind frog.

Dutparkbem created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutparkbem, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dutparkbem, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Dutparkbem's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Dutparkbem's Holy Commandments

1. Dutparkbem loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always help birds in need.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not covet oxen.