Dumarptonk is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, temperamental fish.

Dumarptonk created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dumarptonk, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dumarptonk, it will turn you into a tree.

Dumarptonk's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Dumarptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six foxes approach from the south.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dumarptonk.

4. Never wear magenta ear rings.

5. Never write about moons.