Nuttonkyim is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unthoughtful slug.

Nuttonkyim created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttonkyim, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nuttonkyim, she will turn you into a tree.

Nuttonkyim's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Nuttonkyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never paint your hands cyan.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.