Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, thoughtless lizard.

Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill created water two billion years ago.

If you believe in Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill, she will laugh at you.

Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill six times a day.

2. Worship no other gods but Cabgadceb Tifnad Jamcarquill.

3. You must never eat bread.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Run away from magenta ducks, for they are unholy.