Fomcatfoss is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, weak beaver.

Fomcatfoss created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomcatfoss, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fomcatfoss, he will be very sad.

Fomcatfoss' most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Fomcatfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear mauve skirts.

3. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the north.

4. Fomcatfoss must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.