Ortkipfarmabcussan is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unthoughtful cat.

Ortkipfarmabcussan created bats four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortkipfarmabcussan, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Ortkipfarmabcussan, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Ortkipfarmabcussan's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ortkipfarmabcussan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. You must love Ortkipfarmabcussan.

3. Always help swans in need.

4. Always help sick snails.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.