Jabstiggessontpib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, passionate badger.

Jabstiggessontpib created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabstiggessontpib, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabstiggessontpib, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Jabstiggessontpib's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Jabstiggessontpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Jabstiggessontpib loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always help sick bats.

5. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.