Fomfadtar is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, conceited crab.

Fomfadtar created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomfadtar, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fomfadtar, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fomfadtar's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Fomfadtar's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.

2. Never jump in the presence of dogs.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never sing near bats.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.