Nillbimnel Gupxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unthoughtful bear.

Nillbimnel Gupxuc created Mount Everest five million years ago.

If you believe in Nillbimnel Gupxuc, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nillbimnel Gupxuc, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nillbimnel Gupxuc's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Nillbimnel Gupxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

2. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never talk about mites.