Ponnutlog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, generous bear.

Ponnutlog created the world eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponnutlog, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ponnutlog, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ponnutlog's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Ponnutlog's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Do not eat peanuts.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.