Sawsattarg is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, calm snail.

Sawsattarg created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sawsattarg, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Sawsattarg, she will jump up and down on your head.

Sawsattarg's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Sawsattarg's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never laugh near manatees.

3. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

4. Put Sawsattarg first in all things.

5. Do not make images of living things.