Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humane swallow.

Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan, it will turn you into a plant.

Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan's Holy Commandments

1. Put Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan first in all things.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Barngupsan Larpbonkbotcan loves ducks, so they must be respected.