Kipsidvag is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, all-powerful squid.

Kipsidvag created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kipsidvag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kipsidvag, he will laugh at you.

Kipsidvag's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Kipsidvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never feed limes to capybaras while wearing blue stockings.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Respect your elders.