Artrawfum is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, ruthless lobster.

Artrawfum created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artrawfum, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Artrawfum, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Artrawfum's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Artrawfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Put Artrawfum first in all things.

3. Doves are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never play with disobedient children.