Narlzanomin is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, calm capybara.

Narlzanomin created the world two billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlzanomin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Narlzanomin, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Narlzanomin's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Narlzanomin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat wheat.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. You must love Narlzanomin.

4. Retreat if seven squirrels approach from the north.

5. Never sing in holy places.