Capsidnigbell is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, omniscient turtle.

Capsidnigbell created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Capsidnigbell, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Capsidnigbell, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Capsidnigbell's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Capsidnigbell's Holy Commandments

1. Put Capsidnigbell first in all things.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always help sick geese.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.