Vonkhasyar is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented tapir.

Vonkhasyar created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkhasyar, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonkhasyar, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Vonkhasyar's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Vonkhasyar's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange moths for they are unholy.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never wear fawn coats.