Kopaftun is a god.

It takes the form of a large, compassionate manatee.

Kopaftun created a down quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Kopaftun, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kopaftun, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Kopaftun's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Kopaftun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

2. Feed all hungry tapirs.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Do not hurt gulls.