Hapgonbog is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, witless newt.

Hapgonbog created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapgonbog, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hapgonbog, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Hapgonbog's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Hapgonbog's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not shave your legs.

4. Hapgonbog must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.