Timbonkkem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, happy mongoose.

Timbonkkem created water three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timbonkkem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Timbonkkem, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Timbonkkem's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Timbonkkem's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never run in the presence of snakes.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Timbonkkem.