Laghivlad is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, humorless rhinoceros.

Laghivlad created a strange quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laghivlad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Laghivlad, he will not care at all.

Laghivlad's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Laghivlad's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always help horses.

5. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.