Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, intelligent chinchilla.

Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss created a top quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss' most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Put Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss first in all things.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Worship no other gods but Dabtunbastkap Teenarpfembiss.