Kencitomin is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, prudent cow.

Kencitomin created the Tadpole Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kencitomin, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kencitomin, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kencitomin's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Kencitomin's Holy Commandments

1. Kencitomin loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

2. Erect seven nickel sculptures of Kencitomin on top of important buildings.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Hide if eight monkeys approach from the west.

5. Always wear indigo.