Arpxemzig is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, flying raven.

Arpxemzig created a bottom quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpxemzig, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Arpxemzig, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Arpxemzig's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Arpxemzig's Holy Commandments

1. Arpxemzig loves porpoises, so they must be respected.

2. Arpxemzig must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never sit in the presence of squirrels.

4. You must never eat aubergines.

5. Do not wear iron on your body.