Cussjamtaprow is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, confident dingo.

Cussjamtaprow created a quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cussjamtaprow, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cussjamtaprow, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cussjamtaprow's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Cussjamtaprow's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven great tits approach from the north.

2. Do not dye your hair red.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.