Bapfonnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, grumpy bird.

Bapfonnurt created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapfonnurt, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bapfonnurt, he will not care at all.

Bapfonnurt's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Bapfonnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured nematodes.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

5. Run away from violet swans, for they are unholy.