Hakfarflam is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unthinking tapir.

Hakfarflam created the planet Saturn six million years ago.

If you believe in Hakfarflam, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hakfarflam, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Hakfarflam's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Hakfarflam's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hakfarflam loves voles, so they must be honoured.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hakfarflam.

4. Never paint your arms purple.

5. Do not covet oxen.