Labsanpark is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, intelligent clam.

Labsanpark created Asia four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labsanpark, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Labsanpark, it will turn you into a snail.

Labsanpark's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Labsanpark's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never paint your head blue.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Retreat if eight snails approach from the west.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.