Tarplopflan Bemgigcub is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, unsympathetic hamster.

Tarplopflan Bemgigcub created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarplopflan Bemgigcub, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tarplopflan Bemgigcub, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Tarplopflan Bemgigcub's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Tarplopflan Bemgigcub's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tarplopflan Bemgigcub.

2. Never mention snakes.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.