Hapbotapp is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing jackal.

Hapbotapp created Mount Everest six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbotapp, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hapbotapp, she will turn you into a rock.

Hapbotapp's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Hapbotapp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Hapbotapp.