Tabgarkam is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, loving crocodile.

Tabgarkam created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabgarkam, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tabgarkam, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tabgarkam's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Tabgarkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never paint your arms pink.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never think about nebulae.