Bifhapxuck is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, vain newt.

Bifhapxuck created tapeworms three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifhapxuck, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bifhapxuck, she will turn you into a mole.

Bifhapxuck's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Bifhapxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Bifhapxuck must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never wear purple hats.