Caplaplarn is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, narcissistic faun.

Caplaplarn created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Caplaplarn, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Caplaplarn, it will torture you forever.

Caplaplarn's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Caplaplarn's Holy Commandments

1. Put Caplaplarn first in all things.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.