Quartartkap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, boastful troll.

Quartartkap created gold six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartartkap, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quartartkap, it will throw large rocks at you.

Quartartkap's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Quartartkap's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate squirrels.

2. Always help geese.

3. Never paint your head violet.

4. Do not eat lentils.

5. Pray towards the south.