Hogcaprowkad Betyikfat Cimtalpibgem is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, moody narwhal.

Hogcaprowkad Betyikfat Cimtalpibgem created matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogcaprowkad Betyikfat Cimtalpibgem, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Hogcaprowkad Betyikfat Cimtalpibgem, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hogcaprowkad Betyikfat Cimtalpibgem's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Hogcaprowkad Betyikfat Cimtalpibgem's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never feed peanuts to eagles while wearing black skirts.

3. Do not hurt rats.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Hogcaprowkad Betyikfat Cimtalpibgem loves foxes, so they must be respected.