Lakbepqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, fussy shark.

Lakbepqueeg created a Higgs boson eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakbepqueeg, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lakbepqueeg, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Lakbepqueeg's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Lakbepqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

2. You must pray to Lakbepqueeg seven times a day.

3. Never hurt nematodes.

4. Retreat if eight moths approach from the west.

5. Always take life seriously.