Quammantof is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, omniscient tortoise.

Quammantof created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quammantof, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quammantof, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Quammantof's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Quammantof's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white boots.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Run away from orange mice, for they are unholy.

5. Never write about gravity.